Thursday 20 March 2014

TEN REASONS NOT TO BUY THIS BOOK - The Bumble's End by Jimmy Bain

Today (with some trepidation) I'm giving my blog over to Jimmy Bain and The Bumble.  Leave it clean and tidy, lads!

THE BUMBLE'S END by Jimmy Bain
Imagine Philip Marlowe woke up one day with the mother of all hangovers and discovered he'd been turned into a Glaswegian. And not only that but he's saddled with a partner in the shape of his devious fat friend, The Bumble. Well, that's how our Narrator feels.

After finding a dead man hanging from a door, discovering a stash of Nazi memorabilia, and surviving a run-in with a psychotic hoodlum, the Narrator is in no mood for any more nonsense. The Bumble's explanations involving the mysterious flight of Rudolph Hess to Scotland, a deceased Glasgow car dealer, and a hoard of Nazi gold just don't ring true...

10 Reasons Not to read THE BUMBLE'S END

1. The Bumble is a sleazeball with bad taste in shirts!

2. The effin narrator never tells you his name!

3. It's sexist, racist, ageist, fattist and foulmouthed. Think Gene Hunt but not as soft and cuddly. 

4. Everybody swears, curses, blasphemes and insults each other. Jeez-Uz!

5. The dialogue is Scottish!  Jings Crivvens and Help Ma Boab!

6. Everybody SMOKES! cough, splutter, choke. Or chomps on chocolate digestives.

7. It contains a graphic scene of sexual perversion. Near the beginning!

8. It mentions a pierced clitoris. Yeeeeugh!

9. It mentions bodily functions, sleazy sex and folk you wouldnt want to meet on a dark night. (Or ever!)

10. It pokes fun at Rudolf Hess, Hitler and the Nazis. Oh, no, wait. That's a good thing.

There are just as many good reasons not to read the next one in the series as well.


Are the Nazis on the rampage in Glasgow yet again? It seems a few ghosts have returned to haunt the Narrator, Charlie and The Bumble. Could a transvestite nun hold the clue as to why The Bumble's brother Moose fell from the Scott Monument in Edinburgh?

When things get hot in Glasgow The Bumble decides that it's time to mix business with pleasure and head to the South of France to search for a mysterious Scotsman who might hold the key to a fortune. The only problem is that Glasgow's criminal fraternity have decided to holiday there as well in the search for the lost riches.


Anonymous said...

Weegie Noir. I bet Priscilla and Charlie and the Wooden Indian would all have something to say about The Bumble and the narrator taking all the plaudits...

Barbara Scott Emmett said...

A mysterious fan! Reveal yourself sirrah!

Timberati said...

So glad to see you posting on your blog and twitter, Visinker.


Robert Gilchrist said...

It was I! With 2 of the yellow 2008 1st editions in my bookshelf, I couldn't resist Marks' Quote from the back cover!


Barbara Scott Emmett said...

Ah - I suspected it was you, Robert.

And thanks Norm - whatever happened to your book?

Timberati said...

Shelved, I'm afraid. I have tried resuscitating it a few times.

Working on a biography which, unlike fiction, doesn't have to completely make sense.